"Has
God abandoned me?"
"God
won't forgive me."
"God
doesn't love me."
"Why
can't I change?"
"Is
there any hope?"
Over
the past eight years in Outflow I've had some, if not all of these
things said to me. I've even given my fair share of quaint Christian
responses to these questions and statements. Of course anyone who's
been through dark times knows it's not that easy, and any Christian
who's read their bible knows it's not that simple.
The
truth is, I've been going through a bit of a dark time myself over
the past while. It happens every so often. Over the years I've
learned to spot the triggers. I've read the books and listened to
many "professionals" lecture about depression and anxiety.
The amount of information I've devoured on these subjects during my
"prison times" should at least qualify me as someone who is
not ignorant about these matters.
Through
all my reading, however, nothing compares to the help offered in the
bible.
Cue
the glazing of the eyes.
I
say this as a man who is well aware of the tougher bits of Holy
Scriptures. I recently saw an interview where a relatively well known
magician said he became an atheist at age 16 as a result of reading
the whole bible because his youth pastor encouraged him to. He now
encourages everyone to read the bible from cover to cover to discover
that the God mentioned in it is nothing like the one Christians
preach about. He feels it's the best way to make someone an atheist.
While
I disagree with him in one sense - for many have become Christians by
reading the bible - I agree that much Christian teaching avoids the
tough bits of God's word that are not palatable to our delicate
culture. For instance, scriptures that speak of divine judgment
(Hebrews 10:26-31), or God's hatred of the wicked (Psalm 5:5/11:5),
and the wrath of Jesus (Revelation 6:15-17). These are just a few of the many
parts of God's word that aren't easy to take, but provide deep
spiritual insight when studied and interacted with.
One
such passage I've been struggling with is Hebrews 12:17: "For
you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he
was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it
with tears."
This
is about Esau from the book of Genesis. The guy who had his younger
brother, Jacob, steal his birthright. It's is a scary verse because
on the surface it appears that it's possible to want to turn from sin
- want to change- and yet be unable to find God's mercy. I've even
found myself thinking, "Maybe I'm Esau. Maybe I'm beyond
repentance." Is that what this verse is saying?
Thankfully,
no.
As
with every verse in the bible, there is a context. When you read the
account of Jacob and Esau in Genesis 27 and the preceding verses in
Hebrews 12, along with some help from some dudes who know Greek, you
find that the verse goes more like this: "For you know that
afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected,
for he found no chance to repent (to change the situation), though he
sought it (the blessing) with tears."
The
story shows that Esau sought the blessing, not repentance, with
tears. Anyone who wants to repent (change the way they've been
thinking and acting) in relation to sin can find God's mercy and
grace. Repent and believe in Jesus for the forgiveness of sins, for
new life and entrance into God's kingdom. This is the message we
offer to those we serve and love at Outflow. We point people to Jesus
- God in human form. The One who felt abandonment on the cross for
us. The One who offers new beginnings, hope, love and forgiveness to
all who receive him and believe in his authority. The One who rose
from the dead and will judge the world with justice. This is the
message of the early church.
Jesus
is not a quaint answer to difficult questions. He's a Person who
invites us to follow him into the goodness of the Triune God. This is
the message that gets me through tough times.
Philip
