Today, you are my confessor. I feel a
bit of shame in the confession, but the instruction I have received
from the Lord this week is worth sharing, I think, and to share that,
you have to know my mistake.
First, some back story. For quite some
time, I have been feeling like my prayers are awkward and stale. I
have been trying to practice conversation with Jesus and it feels
weird. It feels like telling the friend I've just been with all day
all that has happened to us. He already knows. I must be boring
Jesus stiff. But I also want to avoid the kind of prayer that is the
joke of the internet lately:
I have talked to lots of people about
this, trying to figure out how to have a normal conversation with Jesus, chatting like we are hanging out. I was focused on Jesus my friend, Jesus
my brother, “Buddy Jesus.”
As I contemplated this again the other
day, God spoke to me. He said, “Get on your knees.”
Four words. Four beautiful words that
told me what I was doing wrong. My whole approach was incorrect.
Yes, yes - Jesus is a friend of sinners, He loves us, we are his
joint heirs. But first and foremost, He is King.
My confession is this: I have not been
on my knees in years. I pray daily. I pray in passing when I think
of things, I pray with friends, I pray for people, I pray at night.
I pray. But I do not bow before the King. I think I remember the
last time I was on my knees, and that was when my daughter was about
9 (now nearly 16). I knelt to pray with her.
When I was young, we had evening
services at the Church my family attended. At the end of every
service, some of the congregants remained in the Church after the
dismissal. Most of them got down on their knees in their pews and
they prayed. It was a collective bowing down before the King, even
though the prayers were unique and individual. I love this memory.
I am not sure why I became so fixated
on Jesus my friend and brother, neglecting all else that He is.
Arrogance, I guess, probably along with a focus on teachings about an
approachable God. Our God is approachable, but it wasn't always so. That came at
great cost and should not be taken for granted. That is easy to forget when we are free to approach the
throne. He is our friend and brother, but He is so much more. He is
a King, the King, the one and only God most High, Creator, Sustainer,
the Word, the Eternal One, our Saviour.
As I thought about kings in scripture,
I remembered the family/king dynamic. These are things I have
already known and you probably know them, too. People, even wives,
could only come before the king with permission or risk death.
(Thankfully, we have been summoned into our King's presence.) They
bowed before their king relative. They were bold enough to ask for
favours sometimes, but humble enough to know that their father,
brother, husband must be treated according to his station and that
they were subjects like the rest of the kingdom.
Jesus is our King. Join me on my
knees.
--Chanelle
